By Allessandra Inzinna

I had never paid such close attention to the texture of my gums. My tongue knocked around my mouth. I could feel my eyelids droop to half-mast. Am I high? I questioned, contemplating whether or not to buy the M&Ms behind the bar. I was definitely high. And it definitely wasn’t on purpose. 

A few hours before pool, drained by finals, I picked up a jar of Delta 8 gummies I won in a 4/20 raffle. I still had a paper to edit, but that wouldn’t be difficult. I opened the jar. It’s just Delta 8, I thought. I’ll go play a game of pool and then come back and finish up.

An hour later, I was memorizing the shape of my teeth. 

“Alle?” That’s me. I blinked up at my friend. I was hungry. “Your turn,” he said. 

I grip the pool stick. Accidental stonings are good luck, I think. I take a deep breath in through my nose, lean forward, and smack the cue ball so hard it bounces over the edge and rolls across the bar.

“Bro,” I say to my friend, who was probably regretting teaming up with me. “This gummy is weird.” 

Here’s some tips I should have followed. 

Read the label

Does the packaging contain a cannabinoid breakdown? An FDA 

warning? Some certification stamps? These contain things you need to know.  

Calloway Cook, president of dietary supplement corporation Illuminate Labs, has a hard time finding any cannabis gummies that he labels “healthy”.

Cook would know. Illuminate Labs makes dietary supplements tested to European Union purity benchmarks and reviews product formulations through the online health resource, Illuminate Health, where they consult doctors and registered dietitians on their reviews. They scrutinize everything from bottled water to cannabis gummies. 

Cannabis gummies are widely marketed and formulated to be sweet, like candy (hence, gummies). This usually means they’re full of sugar, dyes, inflammatory citric acid and flavoring agents. If you’re trying to avoid extra sugar in your diet, gummies may not be the mode of cannabis consumption right for you. 

Cook would also urge every consumer to look for certifications. Organizations like The National Sanitation Foundation, ConsumerLab and Leaping Bunny certify cannabis products for a variety of standards, including sanitation, quality and a cruelty-free product. In other words, have some lab coats make sure you’re not eating toxic waste unknowingly. 

The packaging should also tell you what cannabinoids you’ll be consuming and in what potency. “If they don’t publish the cannabinoid breakdown, to me, that’s a sign of a low quality brand,” Calloway said. 

If I wanted to have a chill night and complete my final paper unimpeded, I probably should have looked for a low THC gummy. Someone looking for a restful night’s sleep might gravitate toward CBN, or CBD to calm down inflammation, etcetera, etcetera. 

Check out the company before buying

If a gummy brand has several lawsuits levied against them, that’s probably not a brand you would want to buy from. A smoke shop or dispensary probably is not going to label which brands may serve you 50 times the Minnesotan legal limit for THC or is contaminated with heavy metals. You may find out when the FDA issues a warning, but by then you’ll be losing a game of pool, failing a class, and potentially digesting arsenic. Safety first!

Looking up the brand will also give you a chance to check out the reviews. Gummy brands understand marketing. They benefit from eye catching packaging, promising so-and-so effects that’ll give you just what you need. However, checking reviews sees if their products live up to the hype without risking your high. 

Of course, just because a gummy works well for hundreds of reviewers, does not mean it’ll work the same for you. 

One more thing!

Once you’ve found the right gummy for you, go ahead and take a dose– now stop! Put the bottle in a child-free area and walk away. Wait at least two hours before taking another dose if you do not get the desired effect. 

Edibles carry their effects for much longer than their smokable counterparts. While the effects of smoking or vaping can last from 1-4 hours, edibles can carry their effects for 6 hours or longer. Meaning that if you take too much, you’ll be floating in the ether for a while, as opposed to if you smoke too much. 

Back in 2012, Coloradan hospitals noted that most of their patients dealing with cannabis-related complaints were those who had smoked the plant, likely to be suffering with gastrointestinal issues. Not great, but the patients who ate it, via gummy or brownie or other edible, were much more likely to complain of temporary psychosis. 

Overall, respect the plant. Start slow and tread carefully.